Unpacking Paris

“The character of a person is the substance of the ideals that person holds sacred in their life.”

-Radhanath Swami

I’d like to start this week by acknowledging how lucky I am.  Of all the lives I could’ve been born into, I got a pretty sweet deal with this one, comparatively.  I had good parents who loved me and each other and were financially able to feed, clothe, and house me in a world of stability.  I was born a white female, which is of course the most conspicuous characteristic that people observe and use to understand who (how) I am and what threat level I immediately pose to their personhood (my intentions).  Further, as a white lady, it is very easy for me to make good intentions known.  All I have to do is smile (sometimes not even that) and I am immediately considered to be “nice” and “non-threatening”.  This of course has it’s drawbacks in a gender-biased society, but in general these two perceptions by others have given me a positive start in all kinds of circumstances as well as- I strongly suspect- played a hand in my formation as a (generally) nice and (from most perspectives, sorry mosquitos) non-threatening person.  I think that if we individually took more time to reflect on how others’ perceptions have shaped us, we might be a little more willing to give others the same consideration.  This is called sympathy, and it is as central to the human experience as instinct because as a species endowed with “higher” cognitive functions, we are forced to live our lives in the ever-shifting milieu of what we feel meets what we can understand.  And both of these play a crucial role in the perception/reaction, cause/effect, judgement/consequence cycle that ultimately determines our entire lifetimes.

I’ve always attributed the majority of interpersonal and global conflict to various forms of miscommunication, one common result of this being the inaccurate reading of someone else’s intentions.  ‘But we’re instinctual animals!’, you cry. ‘We need snap judgements for survival!’  Yes, but.  ‘Survival’ itself has undergone a huge makeover with the help of society and technology.  Our interactions became more complicated than our instincts and we’ve reaped a lot of benefit from that…but it can be problematic as well.  Luckily, our tools have also evolved.

Being human, I have innate attributes–I don’t believe sympathy is one of them.  The ability to sympathize is.  But it’s a practice, a development.  Much like one is not born walking, but rather born with legs. If we can practice sympathy, cultivate it by observing ourselves, we may find it naturally asserting itself in that moment directly proceeding an otherwise knee jerk response.  In theory, we could eventually alter that response altogether.  We will be very lucky indeed if this is the path our social evolution takes.

So take a close look at yourself.  I’m big on personal responsibility, but I’m also big on honesty- and if I’m honest, I can’t isolate my accomplishments based solely on what I’ve done to achieve them. This is all a complete tangent from what I wanted to write about this week, but with the Zimmerman case being at the forefront of social media and discourse, I’ve been tossing a lot of related thoughts around which are now winding up here.  I think the thing was, I was going to start this post with, “I’ve been to Paris three times”.  And writing that gave way to a complex flood of gratitude, guilt, and entitlement.

It might be helpful to note that the first time in Paris I went with my family, the second time I went alone during a year-long independent backpacking spree, and the third time I also went alone, but in a kind of anti-gravitational financial vacuum, where the normal rules of less money=less travel do not apply to me.  In other words,

-The first visit everything was paid for as a direct result of having parents who could afford it.

-The second was a result of parents who’d instilled a love of travel and been financially supportive (see first visit) to the point that I was able to go by myself, though unemployed.

-The third trip was funded entirely by me, but actually cost very little because of the specifics of my job in working for an airline.  But how did I get that job?  I went to school to become a mechanic, a process in all ways supported by my parents (see first and second visits)

Yes, I worked hard in school and also worked to support myself during school, but there’s no way I could have gotten through it all debt free completely by myself.  Hell, even my choice to elevate education and travel as priorities in life was formed by their support.  Sure, I have some hangups on the purpose of life and the worth of coming into existence, but that is largely a moot point in this discussion–the fact is that I’m here and at present the details of my life are favorable by most standards.  I have an inexhaustible selection of unconventional schemes that inform my daily activities and I have been able to pursue them without getting arrested largely because people think it’s cute.

Circumstance is infinitely complex, but do you see how all this is related?  How one thing contributes to another?  I went to mechanics school with guys who have drug-related felonies.  They would not be allowed to work at the airport.  I have smoked pot.  I have a job.  I have made good and bad choices.  I have a bachelor’s degree.  I have had the door held open for me.  I have been passed up for promotions.  I have to work hard, sweaty, manual labor to scrape rent together every month.  I have signed a paper where my mere signature guaranteed me $1,500…if I  agreed never to bring sexual harassment charges against my bosses.  I have been to Paris three times.  I have a roommate.  I have never been the target of a stop and frisk.  I have to add pages to my passport.  I have no children, and I wake up thankful of that fact every day.  I have more dreams than I know what to do with.  I have been robbed.  I have always depended on the kindness of strangers and am most often rewarded.  I have a nice smile.

What do you have?  More importantly, what will you do with it?