Mercury in Chaos

“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.”

-Buddha

Mercury is in retrograde again.  For all you astrology buffs out there, this means an overabundance of miscommunication leading to poor decision-making, leading to a myriad of consequences of both the self-induced and freak accident variety.  It is a time when all the things you want to bring towards you inch further and further away.  Appliances break down, people are impatient and frustrated, and nothing, nothing, NOTHING seems to go right.  It lasts around a month and for an extra super special twist happens 3-4 times a year.  The one piece of advise you hear over and over again for how to deal is, “don’t make any big decisions”.  This is largely because communication (even in one’s own head!) becomes so difficult and convoluted that making moves based on new information during this time can only lead to disaster.  Disaaaaasssssterrrrrrrr.

Now, despite what you are reading, I don’t consider myself a balls to the wall horoscope-y type.  I fall somewhere between active curiosity and, on occasion, trying to understand someone a little better through their sign.  I don’t think it’s the end all be all of a person’s character and fate, but I do think it’s a useful lens through which to analyze someone else…or yourself.  It can help illuminate subtle aspects of personality that might even garner a little sympathy for a fellow human (especially if your argument against horoscopes is “that could apply to anybody!”), and that’s never a bad thing.  And up against all the other wonky, uncalibrated tools we unwittingly use on a daily basis to judge others—color of skin, nose too big, eyes too close together, etc…well, frankly I think you could do worse.  If anything, if forces a kind of focus on our weaknesses and strengths that we might not otherwise consider, but possess all the same.  Self-reflection is rarely a bad thing.

In fact, reflection was the gist of an article I was reading recently regarding how to manage when Mercury goes retrograde.  The suggestion was basically to lay low, but pay attention to the things that spring up.  Likely, things from the past will reemerge, and rather than take immediate action on them, mull it over a bit.  Try not to get frustrated by instead being aware of your heightened instinct to get frustrated during this time.  Relax, reflect, and keep yourself in check.  In the spirit of reflection, I’ll share that I recently received an email from myself 6 years ago (courtesy of EmailCapsules.com).  Alternatingly jarring and reassuring, I spoke of personal hangups that I’m happy to say I’ve overcome, and highlighted several aspects of my M.O. that unfortunately remain unchanged.

My 24 year old self was working a lot of jobs, struggling for money, and wanted to write.  While my job situation now is certainly not conventional, it is decidedly more stable and money does not carry the same stress factor as it once did.  These days, time is a much more precious commodity.  I still want to write, which smarts a little, because I predicted I’d have a book published by now.  But in fairness, my 24 year old self had no idea that I would go to automotive school to work the better part of the next 6 years as a mechanic or undergo a couple of very difficult life events.  I wanted to do more traveling…put a big check by that one.

Not that I intend to be led by the desires of my 24 year old self, but I am making some headway in the travel-meets writing arena.  Aside from keeping this blog, I’ve recently agreed to write for free for a travel website, in hopes of a promotion to a paying position in 3 months if they’re happy with my work.  Granted, it might turn out to be a 3 month long walk chasing a stupid carrot, but I figure, worst case scenario, they don’t bite and I’ve got 3 months of work to add to my portfolio that I didn’t have before.  This month, the assignment was an article about Ecuador, a place I’ve never been.  Seeing as it’s due by the end of the month, I figured I’d use that as an excuse to visit Ecuador and step out of my head for a bit.  My good friend Chris-turned-Charles from waaaay back, is visiting Atlanta for the whole of July, and I also wanted to meet up with him, so I split my July getaway cleanly in half Atlanta/Ecuador.

I planned to stay at my favorite/the only Atlanta hostel so as not to impose on anyone, and was thus very sad to find it had closed, leaving me homeless for the weekend.  Luckily, I found friends willing to give me shelter, but it was very short notice for them, and of course they weren’t planning having guests, so it was by luck and the very kind hearts of two awesome ladies that I was able to sleep under a roof.  Otherwise, the weekend was pretty smooth.  I swear, each time I show up, I get a little closer to not leaving.  I am developing a sort of second life down there, with a very cool little circle of friends, favorite hangouts, and a growing understanding of several of the city’s groovy neighborhoods.  Chris/Charles is there in the middle of a month long yoga intensive, which means he’s knee high in getting in touch with feelings, the physical body, and energy and happily extrapolating on the meaning of life.  So the weekend was largely an extended conversation of these things, punctuated by hangouts with some of the other ALTiens I know.  In other words, my favorite kind of weekend.

Saturday afternoon, my prospects for Ecuador looked good.  So good in fact, I booked a hostel.  Unfortunately Sunday afternoon, a few hours before departing for the flight I checked again, and it was a shut out.  I started looking for other options, preferably central or south America to avoid a big time change for what would amount to 2 days.  Of the possible destinations, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Santiago, Chile looked to have the most seats available.  Rio has the warmer climate and all I packed was shorts, so Rio it was.  At the airport, I waited smugly for my name to be called, knowing that a flat bed business class seat was wide open, waiting for my to fall asleep in it.  Sure enough, my name was called and I went up to the counter to claim my ticket.

“Passport, please.”
“Here ya go!”
“Do you have a visa or a Brazillian passport?”
“Nope!”
“I’m sorry, you can’t board the aircraft without one.”
“Ok!” (gathers bags and walks away).

Although Brazil was among the last flights of the evening, there were still a couple of options.  Santiago was still in play with seats available.  I signed up.  While boarding, they made an announcement/apology that the aircraft had been changed.  As they neared the end of boarding, they calculated the weight of the plane and people/cargo on board, and determined that the remaining open seats could not be filled.  At this point, there really were not a lot of remaining departures that night.  And although I have wonderful friends in Atlanta, it had been difficult to procure couches already due to short notice and it would be well after midnight before I could get to any of them.  A hotel would cost me.  I was tired, a little sick.  The one remaining flight was to Paris, and although I felt a strong opposition to trans-Atlantic time changes and European prices….and in fact a bit of an opposition to Paris period, it was, strange as it sounds, the cheapest option available to me in the moment, and technically also the closest sleeping arrangement.  As luck would have it, I’d just found a couple of Euros in a drawer at home and stuffed them in my wallet, so eh, why not?  Besides, I’m always looking for cafes right?  I landed in Paris in the afternoon with no where to go.  Happily, there was internet at the airport, so I found a hostel.  Then, I took a nap.  It’s going to be a very brief stay, but I hope to make it a productive one.  The end of the dreaded Mercury in retrograde is in my sights (July 20, if you’re wondering), and I feel strangely motivated by my own voice six years younger, six years more naiive, six years less cynical but no less hopeful (yes, you can be both), and I take a measure of solace in the advice I offered me now, perhaps evidence that for all the searching I know myself all too well-

“Keep trying.”