Decisions, Decisions

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone.”

-Henry David Thoreau, Walden

So, last week I blabbed about getting stuck in LAX and not being able to make a decision about where to go when I realized Thailand was a shutout.  Boo-frickity-hoo, right?  I know.  I realize that in a world hosting tragic events on a daily basis for millions of people my inability to choose between nine days in Sydney or 9 days in Texas sounds…is…a rather insignificant item.  And makes me a really special breed of jackass, come to think about it.  But nonetheless, the root of this problem I found myself in, however foolish the manifestation, is something I struggle with on a daily basis to the point that it is no longer foolish: indecision.  It detracts from otherwise productive creative activities, undermines my personal relationships, and leaves me alternately squirming in mental anguish or staring catatonically at a list of flight options, categorically unable to commit to a single one of them.  I am certain I’ve brought the topic of indecision up before, but what about looking at it from another angle.  How do you make good decisions?

Yeah.  Forget for a moment that good decisions are not always easy or readily identifiable as “the good one”.  Forget that every decision ever made is ultimately individual, wholly relative, and subject to sneaky sneaky laws of cause and effect influencing that decision and that decision’s outcome by an infinite and tireless army of unknowable variables, and that all outcomes are on some level impermanent and…yeah, forget all that. At this moment in time, I am interested in logistics-  How do I make the best decision possible?  Never mind that I don’t know what that means and will never be able to test the alternatives under the exact conditions to confirm what was “best”.  Never mind that a “good decision” I made 5 years ago might have morphed into a catastrophically life altering “bad decision” in 10 years.  Never mind good and bad are subjective based on my personal experience of them and thereby meaningless to anyone but myself.

None of this gets me out of LAX.

It does not escape me that much of what I am unhappy with at this point in my life is a result of decisions I’ve made.  Whether or not I was fated to make those decisions is another discussion altogether.  For now, let’s pretend like free will exists, because while I do not fully believe it does so on a philosophical level, the idea of it is enough to cause me a lot of grief in the practical sphere, OBVIOUSLY, so I might as well engage.

Frustrated by myself doing that thing again, I sat and tried to draw up a flow chart.  Seriously.  I thought, if I can come up with something kind of general yes/no/proceed to the next question guide, I would have a very handy resource for decision making in the future.  Predictably, it became too convoluded and was no longer useful.  I managed to find that someone else had a similar thought and you’re welcome to view it here, although I’m not sure the logic completely works for me.  I am still not over this idea.  I will probably try and construct another.

Next, I turned to TED talks.  The most applicable of which you too can watchhere, but if you’re pressed for time, I’ll give you the rundown:  The influx of choice into our lives, (whether through consumerism or any number of ways we’ve equated choice with freedom and made choice more available to ourselves), is slowly driving us into a downward spiral of depression and paralysis.  And really, I could have told you that without the video.  Of course, there are positive, tangible benefits to increased choice, and this is why we seek it out.  But it would seem there is considerable evidence that our brains are wired to deal with the absence of choice, to create a synthetic happiness (as argued in this TED talk, also worth a view).  Clearly, we are not so adept at dealing with the relatively new reality of an overwhelming array of possibility in most facets of our lives.

So what did I get from this research that helped me?  I think it helps to know that our brains are limited in their capacity and application.  We tend to forget that because we equate our thoughts with who we are -and as thoughts are produced by the brain- our thoughts are very much our entire world.  How could we hope to see outside of it?  It’s good to take a step back sometimes and reflect that there is a larger reality, parts of it we cannot even conceive of or connect to or understand, simply because we are physiologically limited by the structure of our brains.  I guess that’s helpful because it gives me hope that like any good tool, the brain is something we can learn to work with (as with synthetic happiness).  If I know that less choice in general means more happy, maybe I’ll try limiting some of my choices for a while.  Set some stricter guidelines, clearer expectations, not walking into DSW shoe warehouse, whatever it takes.

Also for me, it is helpful in times of decision-making induced paralysis to remember that it is never a question of what decision would be best to make, but a recognition of the decision I am making.  Is running in circles, weighing options and trying to gauge the effects of a possible decision being indecisive?  No. Sort of.  In that moment it is a made decision to think it over.  Deciding to be indecisive, if you will.  Aside from sleeping, you are almost always making an active decision of some sort.  Don’t be afraid of a thing you are already doing….unless it is bad for you, of course.  Judgement, people!!

I think I’ve said it before, but all things considered, being honest with yourself and closely monitoring your own intentions should bring about the choices that will leave you and others happier in the long run.  Since my stint at LAX, I’ve made a concerted effort to do so and I have to say, that is a process that’s a lot harder than it sounds.  I want to say it’s been rewarding, but in all honesty it’s only been a week or two, so I’m not sure the rewards are visible just yet.

I do, however, have a good feeling.