A 4-Step Program to…?

“I’ve given up on having a better past, you know?”

-C. Adkins

It’s a strange thing, feeling like you need to find a theme to write on every week.  I mean, in some ways, it’s a fantastic exercise to stay (semi) focused and sort of track myself.  But as you might expect, it can also be a lot of pressure, especially when it’s time to sit down and account for my actions/adventures and  ask, well gosh, did I learn anything?  Or was I so busy making mistakes that I didn’t have time to learn at all?  And this sort of self-destructive thinking inevitably leads me to questioning my past decisions and ‘lessons learned’ and then instead of focusing and tracking and accomplishing, I end up getting distracted and questioning myself, my motivations, and where it’s all going aaaaand therefore end up accomplishing virtually nothing and sabotaging anything I can get my hands on in the meantime.  Except taxes.  I did finish my taxes.

This week’s cozy little meltdown took place in the beautiful city of Antigua, Guatemala.  Coupled with the feeling that I’m falling behind in these nebulous goals I haven’t really set for myself, I have the creeping suspicion that people are not taking me seriously.  I would complain that I am being undervalued, but the fact is I’ve been undervaluing myself, and it is being reflected in my personal relationships.  So, step 1:  (And I’m just going to go ahead and write it out here as a contract to me and so you can sing along)

Step 1:  Calm the f*ck down.

Dear Self,  I cannot help but notice that lately you are narrowing your focus onto things you have no control over.  Furthermore, you seem rather intent to dabble in things that frustrate you in some misguided attempt to vanquish them.  Stop that.  Failure to see the bigger picture will get messy when you find out that what you thought was a friendly game of tug-of-war turns out to be you pulling on a lion’s tail.  Besides, you know what else is out there?  Things that make you happy.  So start going after things that have proven themselves to you and stop being led around by lions just because you feel the need to prove yourself to them.  They will eat you.

Step 2:  Get it together.

C’mon Self.  You know better than that!  If you want to make something here, you have to act like it and quit talking yourself out of trying harder.  Fear is always going to be there.  Fear of what you’ve done, fear of what’s to come, fear of rejection, fear fear fear fear fear. If you can look beyond it, you will start to see your strengths and exponential opportunities.  It is important to remember that many end results remain, whether you fear them or not.  It is time to reassess, take account of what is working for you, and leverage it to step beyond yourself.  Cut your losses with the rest.  This must be established as a process, a practice in moving forward with intention.  It’s not that only some people can, it’s that only some people do.

Step 3:  Set specific goals.

I know, I know, you really hate this part.  There’s this really awesome thing you want to do and OOH, SHINY!  Lay off.  Start a list.  Start a thousand lists, but keep them prioritized and move with precision as opposed to profusion.  Just because you look busy….just because you are busy….doesn’t mean you’re being effective.  Back to going after what makes you happy- you may not be able to achieve all of it, but I bet you can gather up enough to make yourself proud.  And what you miss out on, well it won’t be for lack of trying.

Step 4:  Trust yourself.

You’re smarter and more capable than your insecurities are allowing you to see right now.  But have some faith that it’s all in there.  And while you’re at it, didn’t you JUST say you were tired of feeling like people are trivializing you?  Start expecting more from other people and don’t accept them treating you as anything less than you know yourself to be.

You know what?  I feel better.  That’s all I’m writing this week.  Maybe next week I’ll talk about Guatemala.